So, here I am after a whole year! Since we just uprooted our whole family (we had some long roots, people!), I thought it might be a good time to post my thoughts here. Since I don't have to worry about sharing my innermost feelings with the entire world, I can use this like a jourmal!
I really had no idea what it would be like to leave the town that's been my home for 19 years. Even after we moved, we had loads of family coming to visit so that delayed my realization. But, one evening, after the kids were finally asleep (takes longer in a new house in a new town) it hit me kind of hard. First I want to say that I have a great husband! He is the best and I am so undeserving. However, God created me to enjoy female friendships! I am not a complete extrovert but I am kind of social. I don't want to be by myself all the time or every day! And, as much as I would like to keep as close to all of my friends in B/CS, I don't think that is going to work out for me. Honestly, I know that is not what God desires for me. That's like moving to the Promised Land and commuting back to Egypt all the time!
So, one quiet evening, when it's just me....I discover what friend-less feels like. I'm not saying that people haven't been friendly. Everywhere I go, people will chat with you all day. But it's just chatting. I know I could ask someone for their phone number but I really want some outreach here! I did ask a woman for her phone number the other day. She acted so surprised that I wasn't sure I should call her after all. I tell everyone "We just moved here" in the hopes that someone will show me some kindness. Before you get ahead of me, I need to say that I don't blame them at all. I'm positive I was that person not too long ago-just so busy I can't make a new person feel welcomed.
And now we are getting to the heart of my problem! I have been in a spiritual desert of my own making for a while now. I have struggled to connect with God on a regular basis (again-my own fault)! And He has continued to be constant, and gracious, and loving in response to my indifference! Without connection to the Father, our human nature grows more and more selfish and sinful. Except we don't notice the sin... Ok, I'm not calling the people I've met selfish-just want to clarify! I am referring to my own heart! I am completely able to trust Him and depend on Him when life is tough or when it comes to the BIG things in life. But relying on the Holy Spirit all day when parenting or trying to be a better wife, etc.-nope!
Thankfully, I went to a Mom's group at a church we are going to join soon, and heard a great message. This woman challenged us to get up before our children (unless you have an infant) and spend time reading the Bible and praying. Normally, I have zero interest in doing that. I like my sleep! I need my sleep! But I've also already given it MY best shot and failed completely.... And the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results! So I feel inspired to try daily life a different way! I woke up at 5:45AM today! And I wasn't even very tired! Guess what, folks? Instant results! Isn't that so amazing? Spend some time with the Bible and humbling yourself before God and your heart changes immediately! Why wait?! And what took me so long? I already knew it would happen but I put it off! Of course, one day is not enough! I hope I will persevere and keep it going. I am so blessed. But I also hope to make a new friend. Soon.